One Pagan’s Ethics and Sex

Almost nothing incites more controversy than sex. Among pagans, there’s generally a “live and let live” attitude. Yet, we vary widely as to what that means. My own feelings about sex can be summed up in two short phrases: consent culture and sex positive.

Consent culture means asking first.

Before you hug, kiss, touch, launch into a raunchy story, or especially before having sex, it’s important to ask. Creating a culture where YES and NO are both acceptable answers is key. We can’t know when we’re crossing someone’s boundaries without asking. Likewise, we must be willing to clearly state our own boundaries. Honoring our own and each other’s Divinity certainly includes respecting boundaries.

Consent culture requires honesty.

We must honestly self-assess as to where we can improve. We must be willing to honestly and kindly call others out. We must be honest about our “yes” and our “no”.

Being sex-positive requires honesty, too.

Quick: that hot friend you always see at festivals invites you back to their room. Your significant other is at home this time. You want to take them up on it. What’s OK for you and your significant other? Sex positivity means figuring out what you want and what works for your relationship(s). That requires lots of honest communication.

Sex positivity means honoring your desires.

This is where “All acts of love and pleasure are My Mysteries,” comes in. If all acts are sacred, we may pick and choose which acts work for us. Consent becomes the container and desire the energy that fills it. Whether we desire sex, kink, same gendered or different gendered partners, pleasure pulls us toward what will be sacred for us.

What ethics shape your approach to sex? Share in the comments!


About Melissa ra Karit

I'm a queer, poly, genderqueer Witch. I'm a sex-positive feminist, an activist, and a writer. I believe that when we attend to our individual good, we approach the world with good in our hearts and change the world for the better. Opinions expressed here are solely my personal opinions, and do not represent the views of any organization with which I am affiliated.
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